FW: A Little Pre-Holiday Humor!!!

Happy Holidays! J Enjoy some Holiday Humor.       Company Memo   FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:         All Employees DATE:    October 1, 2008 RE:       Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!  We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.  And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.  Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.  This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty   Company Memo FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:         All Employees DATE:    October 2, 2008 RE:       Gala Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We recognize that  Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.  However, from now on,  we're calling it our "Holiday Party."  The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.  There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty     Company Memo FROM:   Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:        All Employees DATE:   October 3, 2008 RE:          Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name..  I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that  reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.  How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.     Company Memo FROM:  Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To:        All Employees DATE:   October 4, 2008 RE:        Generic Holiday Party What a diverse group we are!  I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.  There goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.  Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.  Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.  Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food .  The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty   Company Memo FROM:   Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:         All F*%^ing Employees DATE:    October  5, 2008 RE:         The F*%^ing Holiday Party I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.  But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.  They scream when you slice them.  I've heard them scream.  I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss.  I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The B*tch from H*ll!!!   Company Memo FROM:  Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE:   October  6, 2008 RE:        Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! Joan

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS,
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE, AND
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Inspiration Quote...

In light of all thats is currently happening in CA politically, this quote I felt was very appropriate.

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent." - Marilyn vos Savant

Trying to figure out why my cat talks so much...

As I shared in an earlier post, Puckk passed away earlier this year. A couple weeks later, we adopted a beautiful gray, long-haired kitten whom we named Boo. My husband wasn't too thrilled with another cat, but he wanted a little boy to play with (he said he didn't feel right rough-housing with the girl kitties ... *shrugs*). Boo is growing up into a very gorgeous cat.

Anyhoo, my friend who fosters kittens until they're ready for adoption (and who we got Monster and Boo from) came to me a couple weeks later asking if I wanted another kitten. Shortly after she turned Boo over to us, she got five kittens that had been abandoned at the shelter. The person who left them there had piled the five kittens into a box with their mother ... the mother's neck was broken. She referred to the kitten as "dipstick" because it looked as if someone had lifted him up and dipped his rear into a can of black paint just till the tip of his tail. When they shaved him to fix him, there was a perfect line down the middle of his sack, one black, the other white. We chuckled about this for a few days.

Well, I had to work my husband around to accepting another cat. He said he didn't want us to become the "crazy cat couple" because this would bring our tally up to four. Eventually he gave in and we adopted another boy kitty. We struggled with a name and I ended up letting him choose. At first his name was Chauncey (the nickname for a demon in Fool Moon by Jim Butcher, a Dresden Files novel). I tried to work my way around the name, but it wasn't working for me. During this time, the kitten was starting to show us signs of his personality. He had figured out the stairs within hours (took the other kittens a couple days) and was already sleeping with us the first night. Then at like 2am, he woke me up by yowling in my face. I couldn't get him to stop. I finally got fed up, picked him up and took him downstairs. When I placed him on the ground he went straight for the food bowl. I shrugged and went back to bed.

The following day we were downstairs watching TV and he was sitting on my lap purring. He then looked up and started yowling again. Remembering the previous time he did this, I picked him up and put him near the food bowl. He went to the water dish for a drink. He did this to me two more times that afternoon. Finally my husband commented that we should have named him lazy bones... and so he became Bones.

And so now the reason for the lead in ... We've now had him for about 2 or 3 months and he STILL wakes me up by yowling in my face. So this morning I did some googling and came across some interesting things. The first of which was:

Love Songs
Cats are expressing their affection when they use a call that sounds like a high pitched meow mixed with their purring. Queens use it to call their young; males use it when approaching a female in heat; and altered cats will use it to call their masters when the cat is lonely. For humans, use the tip of your tongue to "roll your R´s" combined with a "high, low, high" vocalization with a sing song quality.

I can tell you he's not lonely, there are two other cats piled on me when he's sleeping on me. All I can guess is that he's expressing his love because he is purring at the time he's yowling (and I say yowling instead of meowing because it is a high pitched meow).

I guess we just got a talker. None of our other cats meow that much; although Gwyn's little conversations when she first wakes up are cute. It's like she's telling us about the dream she just had.

The Sims 3 - Official Star Trek Teaser

Star Trek Fans and Sims fans need to check this out!

Health Humor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?  Take a nap. 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?  Hay and corn. And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? 
A: No, not at all.  Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.  Beer is also made out of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.  My philosophy is:  No Pain...Good!

Q: Isn't fried food bad for you? 
A:  YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...Food is fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.  How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. 

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me? 
A:  Are you crazy? HELLO, Cocoa beans!  Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure? 
A:  If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q:  Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? 
A:  Hey!  'Round' is a shape! 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of  arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride' 

AND...

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. 

Purling Sprite: Pocket Knitter Tutorial (Video)

Yet another knitting tool/toy since I can't knit with traditional knitting needles.

The tutorial in the book left a lot to be desired. I was glad to find this video.

(and I wonder now if I should have a seperate craft blog like my stamping blog).

more about "Purling Sprite: Pocket Knitter Tutori...", posted with vodpod

Sad Day for Angel fans...

http://digg.com/television/Angel_Star_Dies_of_Heart_Failure

RIP: Puck

One of our cats, Puck, died a week ago today.

This week's tarot and the question on my mind...

The Relationship spread provides insight into the interaction between two people or entities. It is the spread of choice for questions about partnerships, be they in romance or business. The Cat People Tarot paints a picture of faraway lands trod by mystical archetypes and their feline companions. This deck is a perfect tool for dreamers and idealists, and is a great choice for divining the nature of human imagination. If you would like your own copy of the Cat People Tarot, you can buy it now! The card at the top left represents how you see yourself. Queen of Swords: Sharp, quick-witted, keen person. Intense perceptions. A subtle person. May signify a widow or woman of sadness. Mourning. Privation. Absence. Loneliness. Separation. One who has savored great happiness but who presently knows the anxiety of misfortune and reversal. The card at the top right represents how you see your partner. The High Priestess, when reversed: Ignorance. Shortsightedness. Lack of understanding. Selfishness. Acceptance of superficial knowledge. Improper judgment. Shallowness. The card in the center left represents how you feel about your partner. The Devil: Ravage. Bondage. Malevolence. Subservience. Downfall. Lack of success. Weird experience. Bad influence or advice. Black magic. Unexpected failure. Seeming inability to realize one's goals. Dependence that leads to unhappiness. Controversy. Violence. Shock. Fatality. Temptation to evil. Regression. Self-destruction. Disaster. Astral influence. The tearing apart of one's self-expression to such an extent that the person becomes ineffectual. An Ill-tempered person. Lack of humor except at another's expense. Lack of principles. The card in the center right represents what stands between you and your partner. Ten of Cups (Satiety), when reversed: Loss of friendship. Unhappiness. Family quarrel. Pettiness. Rage. Combat. Strife. Opposition. Differences of opinion. The card in the lower left represents how your partner sees you. The Sun: Satisfaction. Accomplishment. Contentment. Success. Favorable social relationships. Love. Joy. Devotion. Unselfish sentiment. Engagement. A happy marriage. Earthly happiness. The contentment derived from extending oneself toward another human being. A good friend. High spirits. Warmth. Sincerity. The rewards of a new friendship. Pleasure derived from simple things. Liberation. The card in the lower right represents what your partner feels about you. The Lovers: Love. Beauty. Perfection. Harmony. Unanimity. Trials overcome. Trust. Honor. Possibly the beginning of a romance. Deep feeling. Development. Optimism. Letting oneself go. Freedom of emotion. The necessity of testing or subjecting to trial. Struggle between sacred and profane love. Examining. Yearning. Possible predicaments. A person deeply involved in the emotions and problems of a friend or relative. A meaningful affair. The card in the center represents the present status or challenge of the relationship. Six of Swords (Science): A trip or journey. Travel. Headstrong attempt to overcome difficulties. Expedient manner. Success after anxiety.

Today's Horoscope

Powered by Astrocenter.com
March 23, 2009Daily Libra horoscope:

Look into your emotions, dear Libra, and trust your instincts. Unexpected forces may be coming into play to try and disrupt the flow of things, but keep in mind that as long as you stay solid and focused, you should have no problem keeping the situation under control. The actions you take today will have long-lasting effects, so be conscious of how you use your energy. Incorporate the old as well as the new into your game plan.

Get your personalized horoscope.

"What Class are You?" - D&D meme

Paladins are indomitable warriors who've pledged their prowess to something greater than themselves. Paladins smite enemies with divine authority, bolster the courage of nearby companions, and radiate as if a beacon of inextinguishable hope. Paladins are transfigured on the field of battle, exemplars of divine ethos in action.

To you is given the responsibility to unflinchingly stand before an enemy's charge, smiting them with your sword while protecting your allies with your sacrifice. Where others waver and wonder, your motivation is pure and simple, and your devotion is your strength. Where others scheme and steal, you take the high road, refusing to allow the illusions of temptation to dissuade you from your obligations.

Take up your blessed sword and sanctified shield, brave warrior, and charge forward to hallowed glory!

D&D Home Page - What Class Are You? - Build A Character - D&D Compendium

The loss of a dear pet

You know, since moving into this place I sometimes fear taking a tumble down the stairs. Both my hubby and I have slipped and hurt ourselves a couple times when we weren't used to walking down stairs. We never even considered that our pets may be in danger.

Earlier today, I heard the sound of the railing upstairs wiggling, like it sounds when Monster used to jump on it when we'd leave our towels over it, etc. Immediatly after the sound, I heard several thumps and wondered what the heck they knocked down the stairs this time (last time it was their pirate ship).

A few seconds of silence, then I hear another couple thumps so I go running over and our oldest cat, Puck is laying at the foot to the stairs. I immediately start talking to him and I can hear him trying hard to breathe. He died right there while we tried to figure out what was wrong. I told my husband what I heard right before we found him. We're not sure exactly what happened, but he broken his neck in the fall. :(

My husband had him for about a year before he and I met. My cat, Gwyn has known him her whole life (I adopted her when she was just barely old enough to go home). Puck was the first one of the two who accepted Monster, he was always such a laid back and wonderfully quiet cat.

I'm still in denial. I keep expecting him to come over to me and beg for more food because the bottom of the bowl is visible even though its full.

Judge rules state workers' pay can be cut to federal minimum wage when budget is late - Sacramento News - Local and Breaking Sacramento News | Sacramento Bee

Judge rules state workers' pay can be cut to federal minimum wage when budget is late - Sacramento News - Local and Breaking Sacramento News | Sacramento Bee

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For Valentine's Day, I was given...

Mono! aka, the Kissing Disease!


Yep, you read that right, but its not what you think. :)


Over at GIANTMicrobes you can give your love (or anyone you choose for that matter :)) a disease without all the actual symptoms!


One of the dealers is selling several types of diseases and I now have this little cutie:

If you'd like your own, go here!

More Budget Cuts

Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity, gas and oil, as
well as current market conditions and the continued decline of the U.S.
economy, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Governor resorts to threats...

So, I'm reading an article on the SacBee website and at the very end of the article is a quote:

"The fact of the matter is in the end I have the authority, if they don't go along with the furlough, to lay people off so we have a savings of ($1.3 billion)," he added.

Basically he's stated that if he loses the court battle which I believe is scheduled tomorrow, then he will lay off state employees. The 1.3 million dollars he is trying to save is what, 2.5% of the deficit (40 million dollars)? Way to go Arnie! Kick the working class down while you can. By laying off so many people, you're adding more to the long line of people filing for unemployment. Who is going to go out and purchase things now? The more people are laid off, the less being spent on good and services, which results in even more people being laid off.

The article can be found here: http://www.sacbee.com/1095/story/1580848.html

Wow ... finally, a post!

Its been about a week and a half since my last post. It seemed like life came to a stand still when my grandmother passed and only now has started to pick up again. I'm slowly picking back up my hobbies and trying to get back into my usual routines. 

I was supposed to send out christmas cards, but with the funeral and assorted other family issues that cropped up, the cards never got finished and sent out. So I'm trying to make it up to friends and send out Valentine's Day cards ... just need to finish them. Inspiration has been slow in returning as well.

At least I have tomorrow off. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow morning and then after that I can spend some time working on my cards. I'll try and post some stuff over at Wonder Stamping tomorrow. Like the cute milk cartons I made for a vday treat.

Humor: Studdering Kitties

The third grade teacher is teaching how humans are different from the rest of the mammals and makes the statement that "Humans are the only animal that stutters."

Little Susie speaks up and disagrees. "Teacher, I used to have a kitty that stuttered."

Knowing how endearing these stories can sometimes be, the teacher asks Susie to tell the class about her stuttering kitty.

Susie says, "Last summer I let my kitty outside because it was really nice. Next door lives a mean Rottweiler that hates kitties. The Rottweiler saw my kitty and jumped the fence. My kitty arched its back, went Fffff Fffff Fffff and before she could get the rest of that word out, the mean ol' doggie ate her."