FW: A Little Pre-Holiday Humor!!!

Happy Holidays! J Enjoy some Holiday Humor.       Company Memo   FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:         All Employees DATE:    October 1, 2008 RE:       Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!  We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.  And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.  Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.  This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty   Company Memo FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:         All Employees DATE:    October 2, 2008 RE:       Gala Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We recognize that  Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.  However, from now on,  we're calling it our "Holiday Party."  The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.  There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty     Company Memo FROM:   Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:        All Employees DATE:   October 3, 2008 RE:          Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name..  I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that  reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.  How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.     Company Memo FROM:  Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To:        All Employees DATE:   October 4, 2008 RE:        Generic Holiday Party What a diverse group we are!  I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.  There goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.  Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.  Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.  Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food .  The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty   Company Memo FROM:   Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:         All F*%^ing Employees DATE:    October  5, 2008 RE:         The F*%^ing Holiday Party I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.  But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.  They scream when you slice them.  I've heard them scream.  I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss.  I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The B*tch from H*ll!!!   Company Memo FROM:  Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE:   October  6, 2008 RE:        Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! Joan

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS,
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE, AND
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Inspiration Quote...

In light of all thats is currently happening in CA politically, this quote I felt was very appropriate.

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent." - Marilyn vos Savant

Trying to figure out why my cat talks so much...

As I shared in an earlier post, Puckk passed away earlier this year. A couple weeks later, we adopted a beautiful gray, long-haired kitten whom we named Boo. My husband wasn't too thrilled with another cat, but he wanted a little boy to play with (he said he didn't feel right rough-housing with the girl kitties ... *shrugs*). Boo is growing up into a very gorgeous cat.

Anyhoo, my friend who fosters kittens until they're ready for adoption (and who we got Monster and Boo from) came to me a couple weeks later asking if I wanted another kitten. Shortly after she turned Boo over to us, she got five kittens that had been abandoned at the shelter. The person who left them there had piled the five kittens into a box with their mother ... the mother's neck was broken. She referred to the kitten as "dipstick" because it looked as if someone had lifted him up and dipped his rear into a can of black paint just till the tip of his tail. When they shaved him to fix him, there was a perfect line down the middle of his sack, one black, the other white. We chuckled about this for a few days.

Well, I had to work my husband around to accepting another cat. He said he didn't want us to become the "crazy cat couple" because this would bring our tally up to four. Eventually he gave in and we adopted another boy kitty. We struggled with a name and I ended up letting him choose. At first his name was Chauncey (the nickname for a demon in Fool Moon by Jim Butcher, a Dresden Files novel). I tried to work my way around the name, but it wasn't working for me. During this time, the kitten was starting to show us signs of his personality. He had figured out the stairs within hours (took the other kittens a couple days) and was already sleeping with us the first night. Then at like 2am, he woke me up by yowling in my face. I couldn't get him to stop. I finally got fed up, picked him up and took him downstairs. When I placed him on the ground he went straight for the food bowl. I shrugged and went back to bed.

The following day we were downstairs watching TV and he was sitting on my lap purring. He then looked up and started yowling again. Remembering the previous time he did this, I picked him up and put him near the food bowl. He went to the water dish for a drink. He did this to me two more times that afternoon. Finally my husband commented that we should have named him lazy bones... and so he became Bones.

And so now the reason for the lead in ... We've now had him for about 2 or 3 months and he STILL wakes me up by yowling in my face. So this morning I did some googling and came across some interesting things. The first of which was:

Love Songs
Cats are expressing their affection when they use a call that sounds like a high pitched meow mixed with their purring. Queens use it to call their young; males use it when approaching a female in heat; and altered cats will use it to call their masters when the cat is lonely. For humans, use the tip of your tongue to "roll your R´s" combined with a "high, low, high" vocalization with a sing song quality.

I can tell you he's not lonely, there are two other cats piled on me when he's sleeping on me. All I can guess is that he's expressing his love because he is purring at the time he's yowling (and I say yowling instead of meowing because it is a high pitched meow).

I guess we just got a talker. None of our other cats meow that much; although Gwyn's little conversations when she first wakes up are cute. It's like she's telling us about the dream she just had.